BEAUTY OP-ED | Forget the beach body, embrace sanity

PERSONALLY, I say buck the trend, save the money and instead use it to pay for that beach holiday you otherwise might not have the money to take. Forget about getting tan, getting slim, getting ‘glowy’, getting blemish free, getting sun-kissed highlights in the wee morning hours before work and the few precious free ones you have after. In fact, if there’s anything I’ve learned from my seaside sojourns over the years, it’s that you achieve that look more readily going to the beach, not getting to it. And your sun-kissed highlights from swimming in the sea are free.

So are the honed thighs.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY GETTING BEACH-BODY READY IS NONSENSE:

1. Because you already have a body. And it’s ready for the beach NOW.
2. Who the hell wants to spend the summer swathed in radioactive orange tan (at least among the white-skinned folks out there)?
3. You’ll waste bucket loads of money you could otherwise spend on taking an actual beach holiday.
4. It’s as good as yo-yo dieting for your body. Meaning, it’s bad.
5. Even if you religiously follow the magazine’s instructions on how to get beach-body ready, you won’t look like the lady on the cover.
6. Because 90 year-old ladies in Croatia hit the beach every day – in bikinis – without spending months obsessing over how they’re going to look. If they can do it, so can you.
7. If all you can think about is how people think you look in a bikini, you’ll be miserable.
8. Highlights and salt water do not mix. Same goes with fake tan, makeup (even waterproof mascara) and body cosmetics (hey, even I wear a bit of leg makeup when I’m wearing tiny shorts).
9. At the end of the day, all that matters when you’re on the beach is that you’re not at work.
10. Cellulite is genetic (despite what some misguided beauty journalists will say). Sorry. If it bothers you, wear a cover-up. Nothing (no product, no treatment... no matter what the marketeers say) you do in the lead up to summer will ‘banish’ it from your body, so to speak.

Read the full article on LOOKING GOOD NO MATTER WHAT...

Lindsay Lohan fronts Sevin Nyne fake tan

 

Sevin Nyne? Noh Thenks. I just cannot imagine a worse poster child for fake tan... the perennially geranium-hued Lilo is not an aspirational figure. Although, maybe I'm too old? Maybe the tweens love her and want to look like her!? God help us all if that's the case... 

If I were trying to market a fake tan product at tweenagers and I needed a young celebrity that girls emulate in order to cash in on it, I would go for somebody else. Even that Vanessa girl who got in trouble in the states for getting out her babs. She's tan, right? Or why not Miley Cyrus (Well done, Billy Ray, well done)? How about one of those Hills girls? They're all young and hip and none look too much like a melting candle at the age of 20 (going on 46).

There has to be some up-and-coming, fresh California babe out here who'd be willing to front a fake tan campaign... maybe it was the misspelled name that put off potential suitors? After all, the only place you see things spelled like that normally is on the front of really seedy nightclubs or try-hard restos (with Wahaca being the exception. Blighty would have been entirely confounded by the Spanish spelling: Oaxaca). I guess the girl's gotta make a living. We all do. Just get a sub-editor.

If UR n2 being a kool kid, Sevin Nyne is 4 U.

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