BEAUTY OP-ED | Forget the beach body, embrace sanity


PERSONALLY, I say buck the trend, save the money and instead use it to pay for that beach holiday you otherwise might not have the money to take. Forget about getting tan, getting slim, getting ‘glowy’, getting blemish free, getting sun-kissed highlights in the wee morning hours before work and the few precious free ones you have after. In fact, if there’s anything I’ve learned from my seaside sojourns over the years, it’s that you achieve that look more readily going to the beach, not getting to it. And your sun-kissed highlights from swimming in the sea are free.

So are the honed thighs.


  1. Because you already have a body. And it’s ready for the beach NOW.
  2. Who the hell wants to spend the summer swathed in radioactive orange tan (at least among the white-skinned folks out there)?
  3. You’ll waste bucket loads of money you could otherwise spend on taking an actual beach holiday.
  4. It’s as good as yo-yo dieting for your body. Meaning, it’s bad.
  5. Even if you religiously follow the magazine’s instructions on how to get beach-body ready, you won’t look like the lady on the cover.
  6. Because 90 year-old ladies in Croatia hit the beach every day – in bikinis – without spending months obsessing over how they’re going to look. If they can do it, so can you.
  7. If all you can think about is how people think you look in a bikini, you’ll be miserable.
  8. Highlights and salt water do not mix. Same goes with fake tan, makeup (even waterproof mascara) and body cosmetics (hey, even I wear a bit of leg makeup when I’m wearing tiny shorts).
  9. At the end of the day, all that matters when you’re on the beach is that you’re not at work.
  10. Cellulite is genetic (despite what some misguided beauty journalists will say). Sorry. If it bothers you, wear a cover-up. Nothing (no product, no treatment... no matter what the marketeers say) you do in the lead up to summer will ‘banish’ it from your body, so to speak.


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