Forget Thanksgiving... Black Thursday is the new Black Friday

I mean, c'mon... Target was quoted saying they're opening on Thanksgiving for the stampede of Christmas shoppers because of customer demand. Well, customers are stupid, including me. I need hurdles to keep me from doing dumb sh*t every now and again (sometimes it's a muzzle, sometimes it's limited opening hours). Not that stores are in the business of keeping me away. On the contrary. But... well, whatever. They're open Thanksgiving.

However, I'm so not against fleeng the dysfunctional family fun for a few minutes, locking yourself in the bathroom, to shop online. You're not actually leaving the party because you think Macy's sale is more important than, say, the woman who pushed you through her vaginal canal to give you life, so you look like less of a jerk than if you just pushed your chair away from the table, removed the napkin from your lap and left. Plus, it gives you a much-needed moment of solace to gather the mental fortitude and the zen state needed to go back in there and not tackle and strangle Grandpa while he's on yet another offensie diatribe about some group of people or another.

And if you live in soft clothes, like me (aside from the accidental Mom Jeans purchase every now and then) but maybe you're a teeny bit over everyone and their mom -- and your mom -- wearing the same Lululemon pants you saved for two months to buy, then I recommend Beyond Yoga's online sale.

Sure, the PR emailed me about it.

BUT it looks like quite a tasty sale so I thought, email from the PR or not, you'd appreciate hearing about it.

So build in a little alone time on just another day for shops to take advantage of you Thanksgiving to save your sanity, though we can't comment on saving your waistline.